Terrorists, Fishnets and a Bar
by dimplesgirl
Summary: “I was joking before about Toby wanting to kill them but the truth is, murderers like that, they don’t deserve to breathe, to live, and there is no rationalizing why someone straps a bomb to their chest or the underside of a car. Nothing.”


_A/N: Hey, so this story came to me on Friday (9-11). I was driving at the exact time the towers went down and on the radio they played John Lennon's 'Imagine', with the commentary from news reporters of that day run over it. It was horrible and got me thinking what kind of person could do something like that? This fic is basically a lot of questions that I had and still do. I set this in Gaza, though I know this isn't really how Josh decided to go to Donna, I just needed a reason to ask the questions. There is also referral to Isaac and Ishmael, the west wings really terrorist focused episode. _

_I hope you enjoy and relate to some of the questions. _

_Rated M for some strong language. _

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing at all. _

Terrorists, Fishnets and a Bar.

"Hey" CJ whispered wearily. She'd been standing at Josh's doorway for awhile now debating whether she should interrupt his racing thoughts.

Josh remained silent, continuing to gaze into nothingness. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there, just staring, he'd sat down in the daylight and then suddenly darkness had crept up on him, consuming him. His mind desperately grasped at anything; anything that could explain the day's events.

At the seasoned age of 6, Noah Lyman had taught his son a lesson that would follow Josh for the rest of his life. _"Everything happens for a reason."_ Josh snorted out a laugh, smirking to himself. He had argued that point for the last 40 years, whenever something bad happened, he'd force himself to believe that there was a reason behind it. Bullshit. Things like _this_ didn't have a reason. There was absolutely no purpose to the bombing of that van. Nothing at all. His father had been wrong, an idiot, a naïve fool. Josh let out a heavy sigh. Not everything happened for a reason; sometimes people just did things for their own pleasure, things with no logic and unending consequences.

"Joshua?" His head snapped to attention and he looked straight into CJ's watery eyes. "Josh, I've been calling you, didn't you hear me?"

"Uh, no, sorry." He replied distractedly.

CJ's blue eyes softened as she collapsed into one of the spare chairs, placing the two beers she'd brought onto the desk between them.

"Thought you might want one?" She edged one bottle toward him and Josh smiled weakly.

"I'm not really in the mood."

"Josh-," CJ sighed compassionately.

"-Do you rather wanna go to a bar? Maybe get something a little stronger?" He cut her off, continuing to stare into space.

"Uh, yeah, okay." She nodded.

"Okay, get your coat."

---

"Two double straight tequila, please." Josh nodded as he shrugged the coat from his shoulders and climbed into the secluded booth; the leather screeching under his weight.

"Really?" CJ raised an eyebrow as she too slid into her seat.

Josh's only reply was a short shrug. He sighed, looking round the bar. It was bustling with life. At least twenty people; enjoying themselves, laughing with friends, smiling. None of them aware of today's happenings, or, perhaps some were, perhaps they just, didn't care. Josh's hand tightened into a fist, angered. How could these people not care, how could they laugh and drink, how could they smile after today? Did they not fully understand or comprehend what had happened, that people had died, that parents had lost kids, wives and husbands would be widowed, that brothers and sisters and friends would never see that person again, that people no longer existed, that people were gone, people would never walk this earth again, and that _she_ was in the hospital?

"Hey" CJ's delicate hands covered his clenched fist, gently tearing it apart until she could thread her fingers through his. Josh eventually forced his eyes to hers, seeing nothing but love. He tried to smile but found instead his teeth gritted in wrath. She gripped his hand tighter. "Talk to me."

Josh blew out a gush of air, his eyes once again leaping around the bar. Running his free hand through his hair, he shook his head.

"How can they just go on like nothing's happened?" Josh yelled making eye contact with a few startled bar guests.

CJ's heart ached and she shivered inwardly. She slid her eyes shut for a moment wanting desperately to find something to say, anything, anything to soothe the dryness of her mouth. Before she had the chance, he spoke again.

"How could someone do something like _that_?" Josh smashed a fist into the table, anger oozing from his eyes. At the sight of the salty liquid plummeting down Josh's cheeks, any composure she'd kept throughout the day was lost. All of her bravery and serenity fled from her eyes in the form of slow falling tears.

"Why CJ? Why did they do it?" His voice was softer now, weaker.

Her mouth opened to speak, only, no words followed. She shook her head not knowing what words to say or how to make things right.

"Why her?" He questioned softly, bowing his head as the waitress returned with the shots.

"Thanks." CJ mumbled barely acknowledging the young woman. She returned her gaze to meet Josh's. The pair sat in silence, neither concerned nor ashamed by their tears. This wasn't one of the famous power struggles the duo fought regularly; this wasn't about the weaker sex or who they were at work. No. These were just two friends, two damaged friends comforting each other.

After a few beats of silence, CJ swiped away a few of her stray tears, placing her hand under Josh's chin and lifting it so they sat face to face.

"I wish I had the right thing to say" She fumbled out, fresh tears streaming down her cheeks. "I wish, I could sit here and give you an answer, I wish I could say; that it was an act of terrorism and that would be enough, that that would make it all better." CJ smirked meekly, shaking her head. "But Joshua, I can't. Because, I don't know. I dunno what kind of person does this, or how, or why. I can't understand why it was Donna, I can't. I don't have the answers." She paused and looked over at the untouched tequila. In one quick movement the liquid was burning it's way down her throat and her hands were once again tightly wrapped round Josh's, though her eyes avoided his. "I can't."

There was a moment of silence before Josh looked up, grinning as if the phrase had suddenly acquired meaning. "Everything happens for a reason," He paused, gazing off dreamily. "My dad used to say that."

CJ gulped at the mention of Josh's father and closed her eyes; absorbing the darkness it brought.

"Josh," She whispered. "I don't have a reason."

"Me either." More tears came from behind the shields of her eyelids. Josh's hand flipped under CJ's and clung tightly to it.

"A few years ago," He began and her sea blue orbs slowly opened. "A group of kids got stuck with us, during a crash."

She nodded, sniffing slightly. "I remember."

"There was this girl who asked why everyone was trying to kill us and I told her, I told her that they were trying to kill her too, I said they were trying to kill both of us the same." Josh's jaw stiffened in rage. "CJ, why's everyone trying to kill _us_?" His chocolate eyes begged hers for an answer.

CJ swallowed the dry lump in her throat, her eyes glued to their bundle of hands and the second untouched shot glass. Reaching over and grabbing it she threw it into her mouth, barely flinching as it set fire to her insides and ignoring Josh's slightly raised eyebrows. Turning the tumbler upside down on the table, she shook her head.

"It does feel like it's always us, doesn't it?"

"Yeah" He answered though she had intended it rhetorically. Suddenly Josh burst into low chuckles.

"What?" He continued to laugh. "What?" She demanded.

"It's just; I remembered Toby's solution to terrorism."

"What?" She was grinning now too.

"Kill them all." His smile broadened. "He wanted us to kill them all."

"All the terrorists?"

"Nope," Josh shook his head chuckling again. "He wanted to kill everyone." He gazed off remembering the evening. "Except the 'Laker Girls'. He wanted to keep them."

"Sounds like Toby."

"Yeah." Josh's eyes twinkled.

"You know Sam and I went out to a bar that night and he told me something." She looked up from their bundled hands. "He said terrorists always fail. Always. And it's true, I know it's true, it's just that well, it doesn't feel like it today. Maybe that's 'cause I don't really know what they're after but," She paused slightly. "But today, today it's like they succeeded, they wanted our attention and they got it. We had something and they took it."

Josh nodded, smiling somberly. After awhile he looked at CJ and let out a snort of a laugh. "You went to a bar that night?"

"I did. You got a problem with that?"

"No." His hands left hers and shot into the air in innocence. "No, it's just I seem to recall advising you to head to a bar."

"Yes," CJ smirked at him. "I believe you also advised me – in front of a group of kids, I might add - to get in some fishnets." Josh grinned widely, his dimples making an appearance for the first time that evening.

"Oh good times." He exhaled leaning back and stretching his arms. CJ released a short, stiff laugh and rolled her eyes.

"Can I get you guys anything else?" The waitress from before returned.

"Um, yeah, CJ, a whiskey sour okay with you?"

"Sure."

Josh followed the girl with his eyes, watching as she mingled into the crowd and then finally, disappeared. He exhaled loudly focusing back on CJ.

"You ok?" He asked concerned at her somber features.

"Yeah," She replied distractedly. "I was just thinking about how desperate someone needs to be to do something like this." Her eyes drifted away, her thoughts spiraling. "They're probably oppressed, young, hurt, pressured…" As CJ continued to ramble, Josh began frowning.

"CJ, stop trying to rationalize what happened today!" He spat out clearly infuriated.

"I wasn't trying-,"

"- No, you were." His coco eyes shut tightly and his fingers once again crumbled into fists. "They're sick, sick cruel people, hell, they're not even people; people don't do things like that. They're bastards, murdering bastards, murdering fucking bastards!! And I don't give a damn if they were pressured or young, I don't care if their father beat them or their mother was killed by the cause they're fighting against. I don't care!" He shook his head, staring blankly at his whitening fists. "I was joking before about Toby wanting to kill them but the truth is, murderers like that, they don't deserve to breathe, to live, and there is no rationalizing why someone straps a bomb to their chest or the underside of a car. Nothing."

CJ gulped, leaning back into the seat. Her expression plain; features not showing or giving away a thing. Biting her bottom lip, she looked up cautiously. "I would never rationalize it, I was just-,"

"-I know."

She nodded.

"So," Josh thought out loud, scrambling for any convosation. They remained quiet for a couple of seconds, neither knowing exactly what to do, or say. "What do you think they look like?" He questioned suddenly pensive.

CJ sat up a little straighter, surprised by his question. "You wanna know something scary, Joshua?" She paused, contemplating. "I think they're just like you and me."

Josh snorted and shook his head in disagreement.

"What? You think they're all Arabic, have beards and wear a Keffiyah?

"No," He brushed off with a laugh.

"Well then what?" She demanded. "Here's a newsflash Josh, terrorists don't walk around with a big signs stapled to their foreheads, they don't wear a uniform, they're you and me. You and me. Not just people oppressed by laws and religion, not just coming from places of poverty and despair, they're coming from two blocks down. They're everyone, everywhere. You and me."

CJ and Josh sat in silence as the waitress appeared again, placing their drinks on the table. CJ grasped hold of the glass and trickled some of it's contents into her mouth.

"What do you think they look like?" Her eyes slowly rose from her drink to his face. Josh blew out some air and tossed his fingers through his thinning hair.

"You know? I spent the entire day trying to come up with a face, someone I could blame for all this."

"And did you?"

"Uh, no. Whenever I tried to imagine the guy, all I could see was Donna, Donna and her stupid smiling face." His expression changed as if he was slightly amused at this thought. "Do you think she's some sort of karma or payment? Like, because I survived, because I lived, she has to die?" He frowned, penetrating the liquor with his eyes.

"Josh?" CJ stared compassionately at him. "Do you hear yourself? Donna's not dead. She's not gonna die and, and you, you living," Her blue orbs once again welled up with tears. "You living had nothing to do with this! You hear me?" Her voice cracked and her face was drenched for the hundredth time that night. "Nothing." She added forcefully. Josh slid out of the bunker and moved to sit beside CJ. He swung his arm fiercely around her and pulled her head to his chest; cradling her as she sobbed.

CJ stayed in Josh's arms for over an hour, crying. Crying for lose, for today in Gaza, for Donna, for the congressmen, for Fitzwallace, crying for Josh and the president, crying for the shootings all those years ago, for Mrs. Landingham, crying for all of it, all of the pain that accompanied serving at the pleasure of the president. All the time neither said a word. She forced a smile placing a hand to his torso to push herself up. Her eyes locked with his and he smiled meekly.

"Josh I want you to go." His brow crinkled.

"Why?"

"No Josh, I want you to go be with Donna." Her face was dead serious and Josh let out a nervous giggle.

"CJ," He shook his head. "I can't. I can't, you guys need me. You, Leo Toby, the President, I can't just abandon you." He gazed worriedly back at her.

"Josh, you need to be with Donna, because we can't go and because you lo-," CJ paused, unwilling to enlighten him. He loved Donna. "And besides," She forced herself out of his embrace. "Without Donna, you're useless, we don't really need you." He stared blankly at her, astonished he was actually considering this.

Finally after a couple of moments he spoke. "You don't really need me?" He forged shock and CJ rolled her eyes.

"It's a wonder the government even pays you." She smiled. "Now go."

"You sure?" He asked hesitantly.

"Call Leo, and go." She assured.

"Okay," He whispered backing out of the booth. "Okay," He grabbed his coat and keys, beginning to walk off. CJ grinned as she watched him scramble his way through the crowd. Suddenly he spun and came hurtling back. He smiled – and before she could question him – placed a quick kiss to her cheek.

"Thank you Claudia Jean."

She nodded swallowing the lump that had swelled once again in her throat.

"Be safe Josh." And that was it, with a curt nod her was off. Forgetting the terrorists, who they were, forgetting his friends, forgetting the what's and why's, forgetting it all, to be with her.

-end.

_Hope you enjoyed please review and let me know what you thought. _

_Mwa,_

_K._


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